Music & Lyrics: Marie-Lynn Hammond

oh mothers teach your sons how to cook and how to clean
in the arts of housework educate them
or else your sons poor wives will curse you all their lives
as they labour to housebreak and domesticate them

pass on to them the ancient art of dusting
show them there’s no shame in scrubbing floors
and teach their poor dim eyes to see what we see without trying
spots on glass and fingerprints on doors

so mothers teach your sons how to cook and how to clean
in the arts of housework educate them
or else your sons poor wives will curse you all their lives
as they labour to housebreak and domesticate them

and give them Joy of Cooking for their birthdays
encourage them to make the meals for you
but don’t forget to teach them how to clean up as they’re going
so your kitchen doesn’t end looking like World War Two

oh mothers teach your sons how to cook and how to clean
in the arts of housework educate them
or else your sons poor wives will curse you all their lives
as they labour to housebreak and domesticate them

oh mop and broom and a dustpan
sure look good on a man

teach them when they clean to clean behind things
it’s a concept that they surely will resist
behind the couch, behind the fridge and, yes, behind the toilet —
these are places men don’t even know exist

so mothers teach your sons how to cook and how to clean
in the arts of housework educate them
or else your sons poor wives will curse you all their lives
as they labour to housebreak and domesticate them

oh mop and broom and a dustpan
sure look good on a man
I said mop and broom and a dustpan
sure look good on a man

Music: M.L Hammond & Marilyn Lerner   Lyrics M.L Hammond

friends I have a problem that I’d like to address
and it may be peculiarly mine
in these days of unemployment I am forced to confess
yours truly’s working overtime
my phone is ringing madly
they all want me oh so badly
there’s only one hitch I can see
oh no! it’s a benefit, not another benefit
and when are they gonna benefit me

I’ve played for day care, pro-choice, Greenpeace, world peace
labour causes, unfair laws and Latin American solidarity
I’ve stopped Spadina*, failed to stop the Cruise, I’ve saved
the whales and wolves
I’ve tried to save the NDP**
now ain’t it kinda funny
how we’re always raising money
for the things in life that ought to be free
oh no! it’s a benefit, not another benefit
and when are they gonna benefit me

the phone rings and a voice says “hi we haven’t met, in fact
I must admit I’ve never heard of you at all
but someone at a meeting said her sister said her lover said
we really ought to give you a call
our situation’s critical
she says you’re quite political
and feminist and always play for free…”
oh no! it’s a benefit, not another benefit
and when are they gonna benefit me

and when the bankers finally get me
’cause I haven’t paid my debts be
sure you’re ready to call up Nancy White for me
and she’ll say
oh no it’s a benefit, not another benefit
and when are they gonna benefit me (3)

* an expressway planned for downtown Toronto
** A left-of-centre Canadian political party