Music & Lyrics: Marie-Lynn Hammond
commissioned by CBC TV’s Midday, with a 2-day deadline

I’m a woman, I lead a woman’s life
I’ve had three kids, I’ve been a dutiful wife
along the way I suffered every female complaint
enough to try the patience of a female saint
now I’m pushing fifty, figured I’ve paid my dues
what’s my reward? It’s the menopause blues

The menopause blues, the menopause blues
hot flashes flashin’ from your hair to your shoes
brittle bones, insomnia and puttin’ on weight
except for the above I guess I’m feelin’ great
you say some women have no trouble, well thanks for the news
the rest of us are stuck with the menopause blues

I went to my doctor, I said is there a cure
she bit her lip and handed me a pink brochure
about the miracle of hormone replacement pills
the modern way to fix those pesky change-of-life ills
but oops! They might cause cancer—and I’m s’pposed to choose?
Good luck with sorting out all your menopause blues

The menopause blues, the menopause blues
hot flashes flashin’ from your hair to your shoes
so where’s the peace and wisdom that old age brings?
I’m feelin’ like a yo yo with these wild mood swings
would Medicare reimburse me for a round-the-world cruise?
I need a little compensation for these menopause blues

They say don’t fret over these changes that are comin’ on
the benefits may well outweigh the pains
they tell us it’s a natural phenomenon
well so are earthquakes and hurricanes—and rattlesnakes!

The menopause blues, the menopause blues
hot flashes flashin’ from your hair to your shoes
at least there’s no more unplanned pregnancy fear
a pity my libido’s also disappeared
comin’ soon to a body near you and you cannot refuse
so we’d better get used to the menopause blues
yes we’d better all get used to the menopause blues

(hey ,is it just me or is it hot in here?)