Why Do I Have This Thing for Jewish Men

Music & Lyrics: Marie-Lynn Hammond

oy veh oy vey oy vey oy veh oy veh
why did I have to fall for another Jewish guy today
my heart’s like a bagel got a hole in the middle
been shafted again and again
oh why do I have this thing for Jewish men

’twas in college that I met my first one, Leonard Jay Mandel
he drew me like a magnet though why I could not tell
for me, a good French Catholic girl, I saw this could be tough
so I prayed that he’d convert but I guess I didn’t pray hard enough

’cause he dumped me right around the time I’d hoped to meet his folks
I was hurt—I didn’t understand till I heard his buddy joke
“Shiksas are only for practice”—well you’d think I’d have learned from that
but no then I had to go fall for the buddy—Myron Rosenblatt!


well Myron left me for a blonde and oh how I did pine
at least till Joey Gold appeared, and later Sheldon Stein
when I’d bring them home maman would roll her French Canadian eyes
and then she’d serve tortiere for lunch—you know those minced pork pies?

well they’d leave quite quickly after that and then maman would say
“Mon dieu don’t you meet any Catholic boys? I think I will have to pray
a special novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus to help you!”
“Well that’s great,” I’d tell her, “but remember Ma, Jesus was Jewish too!”


now why with our dominant WASPy culture, why do I have this thing?
Jewish men don’t tend to look like Robert Redford, they don’t look like Sting
but maybe that’s it—it’s my hot French blood that requires the exotic
or maybe it’s the heavy religious trip making them, like me neurotic
maybe I just like them ’cause they’re passionate and smart
Jewish men have chutzpah, they have chumour, they have cheart

so what’s the problem then you say
why do I lament today
I’m getting to that right away oy vey oy vey oy vey

(you see) Jewish men will floor you they will love you they’ll adore you
they’ll pursue you and they’ll woo you they will do such wild things to you
they’ll wine you and they’ll dine you and they’ll call it dough well spent
they will want you they will haunt you some might even share the rent
but when it’s time to tie the knot and end the dizzy whirl
you can bet your ass they’ll up and wed some good Jewish girl!
(well I know there are some that don’t but trust me to pick the ones that do…)